Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
