I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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