There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
