someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Four minutes until I can fart!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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