It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
