Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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