don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
