last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
