I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
