i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
