I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
