After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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