Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Less talking, more tequila
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
