he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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