idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
