I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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