Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Congratulations! We have a period
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
