This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
