If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
