actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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