So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
