On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Randomize