My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
