I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
