babies were throwing up all over the place
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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