a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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