You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
