I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
