The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
