it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize