Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
