I CAN MOONWALK!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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