She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
