Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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