Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
