The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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