If i come over, it means nothing
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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