Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
