This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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