woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
