so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I look better un-naked...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
