I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
