Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
