and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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