Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
