R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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