Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
