Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
