I think i sorta joined a cult last night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
