community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
