Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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