Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize