I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
