Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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