Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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