I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
