oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
