I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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