WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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