You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
