the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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