I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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