In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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