Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
