Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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