I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
