Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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