im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize