somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
