Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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