Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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