I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
