Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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