I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you traded sex for a burrito?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
