Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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