bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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