I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
