I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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