Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
