the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
babies were throwing up all over the place
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
