WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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