I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
