Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
