It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
