how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
