I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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