are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
