I have demons in me.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
